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spred's stuff

 

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05th Mar 2012 17:11:20 CET

# 73479
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voyager33mw

And so it became, he who walked and knocked on Death's door, fought to the last of his breath. With a selfish belief to survive the unexpected, never opened his eyes but sleeping beyond what a mortal human cannot normally do, but can be achieved with Death's help.

His life style for 13 years ended, he survived the war in Afghanistan but could not survive the inhale he started 13 years ago.

And so here lies Jonathan Smith, a human being.


See what i did there?

PS: This is something i wrote in haste and should be considered to be my writing abilites :p

I like it.


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05th Mar 2012 20:42:27 CET

# 73487
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weirdoo

And so it became, he who walked and knocked on Death's door, fought to the last of his breath. With a selfish belief to survive the unexpected, never opened his eyes but sleeping beyond what a mortal human cannot normally do, but can be achieved with Death's help.

His life style for 13 years ended, he survived the war in Afghanistan but could not survive the inhale he started 13 years ago.

And so here lies Jonathan Smith, a human being.


See what i did there?

PS: This is something i wrote in haste and should be considered to be my writing abilites :p

I like it.

Future writer dude


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05th Mar 2012 21:16:29 CET

# 73488
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Tacticalspoon

Future writer dude

You or voyager?


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05th Mar 2012 21:26:15 CET

# 73489
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marine565_spred

interstellar marines roleplay PART 1

YEAR 2047 ITO OPERATING BASE NEVADA USA

N: Two men in black aprouch sev an ITO ground forces commander

MEN IN BLACK 1: sevchinko we would like to speek to you.

SEV: whats this about?

MEN IN BALCK 2: Command would like to promote you to be a commander in a very specail orginization.

MEN IN BLACK 1: we were running low on candidtes that have succeded in the training so command decided to promote mebers of other military branches

SEV: wait hold on..... what is this new military branch

MEN IN BLACK 2: the interstellar marines.In addition you will be given a squadron to operate with.

MEN IN BLACK 2: plus the pay is good.

MEN IN BLACK 1: very GOOD!

sev: ALRIGHT i am in.

END OF PART 1


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05th Mar 2012 21:51:34 CET

# 73491
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Gortos

spred, that's not content, that's a single piece of dialogue. What I was asking for was a synopsis of the story you had in mind - this is just two dudes promoting a third dude out of the blue (without the three tons of paperwork that would be involved).


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05th Mar 2012 22:01:56 CET. Edited 1 minute after.

# 73494
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marine565_spred

alright that was a part of it sorry so you want the story well..... ok you have the main charcter sev he was a delta squad commander than he got bumped up to be aprt of the interstellar marines where he meets his squadmembers mason and wolf. the first missoin is in ukraine were they have to over take a orginization thats selling wepaons to there enemys. so they are broken up into two teams alpha main characters team and beta the other squadron.so the first part of the missoin to take out there tech and electronic equipment. it goese succefull at first then hell breakes loose. but they eventulay tkae the base under control. the ITO is very immpressed with that they premote them to higher positoin biological reasarch. then its of to xeno lab 13 in orbit. they are soppose to handle a shark creature out break and rescue any sorvivors. keep in mind there is still alpha and beta. beta team is destroyed in the biggining of the missoin then alpha the main team discovers that there are no sorvivors. so they fight of the infestation and blow the orbital reasarch base up.

ok i this would be half of the story P.S. sorry about the grammer mistakes


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05th Mar 2012 22:23:12 CET

# 73502
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Gortos

Nah, for once I won't pick on your grammar.

But reading that, I get the impression that it's not actually a story - it's a random string of events! There seems to be no connections and the fact that Sev is promoted doesn't serve the story apart from the men in black having an excuse to show up.

What's the big picture? The one motive binding it all together? As an example that I am sure you are familiar with, let's take Call of Duty 4. At first, it may seem like the first few missions don't have anything in common, until we find out about Zakahew's role. His entire plan was leading up to launching the missiles, which is also the penultimate level. It's a coherent story (although not really good, it's just "bad man wants to do bad stuff", a little bit more would be nice).

If you want to be a good role play maker, you need a good story first. Everybody can make up battles and environment, we have all played our share of video games. It's story you need.


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05th Mar 2012 22:23:26 CET

# 73503
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Tacticalspoon

Not to mention it sounds like the beginning of a Men in Black movie. Like you know, comedy, aliens, will smith.


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05th Mar 2012 22:49:42 CET

# 73515
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voyager33mw

Future writer dude

You or voyager?

I'm going to guess both of us.

And when I'm writing something, I'm terrible. I once had a teacher that said you're supposed to start with characters first, and let their story evolve. My method is a bit more structured: First, I come up with an idea that can be summarized in a few sentences. Then I get more detailed, and more detailed, brainstorming what I want to happen during the course of any plot. I plan my plots out, instead of letting the characters do what they would normally do. However, I'm not inflexible. If I think there's no way a character would do what I wanted him to do, I'll change the story.

End ramble: Have a general idea in mind, fill in the details, and don't be afraid to change the story as you go along. Just remember to stay true to your characters--don't make them do anything they wouldn't normally.


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05th Mar 2012 22:58:37 CET

# 73521
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JimmyJazz

I would personally like to add that a good story in a book doesn't make a good story in a Role playing game. a well thought-out story is great to read, but if things are already planned then won't it be a bit dull to play through it? a good *setting* is what will make it interesting to players. a setting in my mind shouldn't be extremely detailed either. world building is fun and great way to stimulate your imagination, and can be useful depending on what you use it for. but the information given at the start should be minimal, to be filled in as the player needs it at a later time. the point to a Role play is to create a story isn't it? not to follow a predetermined path?

A setting, a situation, an Antagonist, an ultimate Goal (long, or short term), and conflict are all important in a good role-play.


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05th Mar 2012 23:57:01 CET. Edited 0 minutes after.

# 73529
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marine565_spred

ok you have the main charcter sev he was a delta squad commander than he got bumped up to be aprt of the interstellar marines where he meets his squadmembers mason and wolf. the first missoin is in ukraine were they have to over take a orginization thats selling wepaons to there enemys. so they are broken up into two teams alpha main characters team and beta the other squadron.so the first part of the missoin to take out there tech and electronic equipment. it goese succefull at first then hell breakes loose. but they eventulay tkae the base under control. the ITO is very immpressed with that they premote them to higher positoin biological reasarch. then its of to xeno lab 13 in orbit. they are soppose to handle a shark creature out break and rescue any sorvivors. keep in mind there is still alpha and beta. beta team is destroyed in the biggining of the missoin then alpha the main team discovers that there are no sorvivors. so they fight of the infestation and blow the orbital reasarch base up.

ok i this would be half of the story P.S. sorry about the grammer mistakes

ill get the details in later, ill finish up were i left up. so then the marines head of to the alien planet colony. in which all is fine in the biggining then some marines and sceintest go missing. so there told to invstgate soon enought the marines have first contact with the alien race. they find noone alive. so the colony some time later is over run and mostly all the survivors left then there the only humans on the planet. they have plan escape with a shuttel. so they escape nad go back to earth. then there is an alein invasoin earth is taken over. so the main hero"s sev ,wolf and mason . and the rest of the ITO to tkae back earth. they are succefull.

alll i got for now. Again im not goin into heavy details other than its not 2120 the orginal year IM is set in but 2048. ill get into that stuff later


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06th Mar 2012 01:55:21 CET

# 73533
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Eddren

Here's mine: We start off with the characters. They've all been given orders from some very anonymous Brass, that nobody can point a finger to,(That detail has to be added in, because SOMEONE'S going to ask about it,) go to Venus, on a base that, as far as they know, doesn't exist. To do something that sounds like total BS...They're there to train new recruits. Except that, as everyone knows, that particular section of Venus is very much a warzone. You don't train new recruits in the middle of a war. That's how it all begins. That's the little backstory you have as to where you are. Then comes where you actually are: You're sitting in a conference room, attending a meeting of a sort that nobody on the ship seems to understand, nor know anything about. All around you are the other chaps assigned to this...Training mission. Your commander then gives you the statement you've all been waiting to hear: Your official orders were BS. What you were really here for was a little recruitment, and the voyage a little token by the group you're getting recruited into: The Interstellar Marines, or the IM. He steps out of the way, then, and the projector comes alive with a chap who's very obviously Brass, and he gives you some generic reason on how you're the best they could find, yada yada yada. Continues on, finally gets done BSing you, and gives you the real debriefing. You're going to that particular area of Venus because they have reason to believe that extensive genetic and technological testing's being done there, and they need a group of people skilled enough to get the job done, and hopefully bring back some samples. Perhaps even test them, while they're at it. So, they go in, have a few small encounters with the local military, and obviously win. Suddenly, human soldiers give away to very much tiger soldiers. With the human maturity level of twelve-year-olds with guns. As the fighting continues, you think you've gotten through the mission, you grab the samples, if you do a few optionals, you get a shiny new gun or helmet or some such, that's come up with on the spot, you head out. Well, transmissions have been cut, for no apparent reason, and the evac ain't comin'. Nope, they haven't abandoned you; while you were down on-base, a cloaked Satallite system was engaged as part of the security. Not only did they cut communications, they turned your transport into a nice fireball. The base was what one might call a Venus fly-trap. And you're the fly.

So, now you go onto your next mission: Escaping. You're thrown into the wilderness, where you have to fight, guess what, the somewhat more dangerous genetic experiments, let loose to guard the area from anyone that might get to curious. In this case, giant centipedes, bears, and a super-mutated moose. Along the way, you find bits and pieces of what seem to be standard military armor. Continue on, continue on, and finally, you reach the end of this particular segment: A transport, intact, absolutely covered in blood. All around it are the remains of armor and marines. The chaps who stumbled upon the base. Upon entering the transport, you may note that it's got enough fuel to get you out of the area, and it's about 80% functional, with flight capability.

Of course, you can't leave just yet, because now you've got to take down the satallites that are keeping any transports from getting in or out of Venus. Fortunately for you, along the way, the GM probably bumped a seemingly insignificant piece of technology or information into your group, that now comes in handy. You have the rough coordinates of a base. Deciding that, hey, what the hell can go wrong? You decide to head there. Upon reaching the base, your transport gives. You end up crashing into the base. You also end up having to either fight or get captured. Actually, it's just getting captured. This is an important plot-point, as while captured, you get to overhear some very important information pieces that'll allow you to figure out there's a little more to this then meets the eye. Namely, that the base from before was just there to trigger a large-scale offensive, that would take Venus in one fell swoop. So, of course, after some typical player-innovation(Or a plot device, if you've got some weak roleplayers,) you break out, find the control area, deactivate the satallites. It is, unfortunately, too late. There will be no rescue-team. No force there just in the nick of time. Instead, the military decides to bombard the area. All troops are ordered to evacuate, and, of course, there are no civilians in that particular portion, so it's safe.

That's the first part of the plot.


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06th Mar 2012 02:52:27 CET

# 73535
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marine565_spred

i said i would just give the main idea. not all this i said i wasnt going into crazy detail.


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06th Mar 2012 03:34:15 CET

# 73536
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voyager33mw

i said i would just give the main idea. not all this i said i wasnt going into crazy detail.

Never read anything written before 1900 if you can help it. Before World War I, authors wrote down a lot of details--more than you'd find in most novels today. I think they did it to both torture the reader, and because the reader and author had nothing better to do with their time.


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06th Mar 2012 12:44:05 CET. Edited 0 minutes after.

# 73559
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Gortos

I actually like details, details are what makes the story breathe. Sure, you could propably imagine Baker Street 221b without all the crazy details, but in order to really "experience" how the greatest detective of them all actually lives, it helps if you know how he chose to equip his house. It's just a question of style, a story can be good with few or with many details, the feeling to it just changes.

Concerning spred: You're still missing a story, I'd advise you to set your previous ideas aside - the details of where the fights would occur et cetera - and concentrate on a real storyline, something that would make a random reader interested. You can only make people interested by introducing characters who seem real - they have flaws, quirks and weaknesses, that's important - and by building tension and surprising the reader. The plot should cover the entire story; your plot, for example, is "alien invasion", but the first few battles don't have anything to do with that, they seem out of place. Plus, alien invasion still needs some "special" flavour to it, it has been done so many times that "aliens invade earth" by itself just seems to generic. Give me a central plot point - with a twist (but not a "deus ex machina", where something happens without previous indication), characters with different intentions influencing it et cetera! And another piece of advice: Generic "bad guys" are boring. Killzone, Call of Duty, all those gams have just one baddie per game, a guy who just wants to fuck stuff up. Don't do that. Your baddies have to be real people too, maybe they could even be partially right. Black and white is too easy.

At all, I have some nice short stories I could throw into the mix, but they are in German. I could try translating them, but my English isn't nearly as smooth...

Captcha: NOPS


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06th Mar 2012 17:35:15 CET

# 73562
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JimmyJazz

****Arguably, Gortos if you detail the story out too much before the players get involved in your role play, then the whole thing might as well be a book-club with an in-character chat room. and even if it doesn't become that, then at the very least it will only make it harder to challenge the characters beliefs. not impossible, but i can pretty comfortably say that it will make your job harder.

although, the rest of this is pretty good advice.


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06th Mar 2012 17:55:31 CET

# 73565
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Gortos

It just seems that spred doesn't have a story at all, which would be worse than a book club role play. It wouldn't be interesting at all.


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06th Mar 2012 22:18:40 CET

# 73586
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marine565_spred

i do i didnt go into too much detail. missoins,character personalteis and etc. i just wanted give main plot i mean we could ditch the main charceters of the plot and put them as ourselves. like captainshawns roleplay if you wantedd to get in the details.


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06th Mar 2012 22:30:40 CET

# 73588
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Gortos

That's not what I am talking about, I'm talking about the big picture. I don't need details. But the entire thing doesn't have a plot. Like, none. You just listed locations and enemies.

That's like describing a Call of Duty game's story (sorry for the example, everyone) by saying "There's Captain Price and Nikolai and this new guy, who is German, first they fight against drug dealers in Mexico, then they go to Pakistan and fight Taliban, then back to Mexico to fight Russians there, then to South Africa to fight terrorists and then to New York to fight terrorists and evil PMC soldiers.

Question: Was that a story? Do you know what kind of story is going on? Does it sound thrilling and entertaining? Certainly not. There's no story behind it, no context, no real plot, no thread holding it together. That's what's missing, spred.


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06th Mar 2012 23:34:15 CET. Edited 1 minute after.

# 73600
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Bozo_the_Clown

Here's mine:

...

That's the first part of the plot.

So, if it's the first part, it means that they may survive the bombing? Now I want to know what's next.


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